i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
