i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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