There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
