just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
