You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
