Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
