his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
