I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
