Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
