So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I will die if light touches me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize