he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
