so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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