a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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