Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's blow job season.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
