Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
