At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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