ADVERTISEMENT

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

  Fav 12 5853 936

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Fav 17 9768 1649

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

  Fav 7 3173 1430

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH

  Fav 8 1591 665

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.

  Fav 10 1705 800

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises

  Fav 4 1609 821

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

  Fav 5 1027 545

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Right now you and beer are my only friends.

  Fav 1 360 273

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs

  Fav 2 349 203

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.

  Fav 1 64 39

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!

  Fav 0 92 13

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's honking my boob in his sleep

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It's innocent and endearing in some way

  Fav 0 68 8

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Guess whose grandma smokes weed?

  Fav 0 71 10

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick

  Fav 0 28 181

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...

  Fav 0 137 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize