Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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