Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
