like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
