I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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