he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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