Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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