Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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