Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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