I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
