went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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