yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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