I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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