I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
