Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
