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I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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