I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize