This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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