actually, I'm a sock model
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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