pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
