Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
