Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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