well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize