Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
