did you get engaged???
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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