Having a random hookup so left but love u
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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