I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
