Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
