i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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