I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
