And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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