Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
