This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
