it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
