Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
