I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
