i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
