I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
