I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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