I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
