and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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