can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
