i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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