Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
