Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
