my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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