i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i love accidental penises.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Green mimosas i think yes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
