dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The air was thick with penises
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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