Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
