Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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