what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize