Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
