I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
