Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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