We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
