Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize