Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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