man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize