I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
